Until Never
by Glamagirl
Summary: Beth was trying to move on, but she never thought it would be so hard to do so…
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Okay, so I've been reading about this thing of Punk and Beth breaking up and somehow I felt sad (I know, I need to get a life… but trust me, I have one!). Now, I don't know if it's true, a rumor or what, all I know is that as soon as I read it I felt like I had to write this. Enjoy ;)

**Until Never**

It is amazing how cold and distant someone can turn into when his love for the person that cares for him the most vanishes out of thin air.

It's sad almost to a devastating point… to have this person who used to be your everything wake up with you and go through the day wishing you were somewhere else, seeing him politely evade your touches by making up excuses that sound stupid to your ears and witnessing how he retreats into himself until he barely speaks to you anymore.

So yes, it is sad, especially when you can compare the now and then to corroborate that it was better before and that maybe, just maybe things are finally over.

I've have seen it gradually happen to me, the torturous process of seeing the 'love of my life' falling out of love with me.

Not that I should be surprised, after all everyone warned me about him and his infamous ways and I stupidly turned a deaf ear to all their words. Maybe it was that I fell too hard too soon but what can I say? This man that is now killing me with his indifference wasn't always like this with me; not at all… in fact, he was quite the contrary.

Phil… when we started this and for a good part of the year we've been dating, he acted like the most caring and attentive man I've ever met. He took me places, he introduced me to all his friends and before I knew it I was moving most of my things to his apartment in Chicago.

At the time it seemed like the best decision to make and I didn't mind leaving my own house in Buffalo to spend all the time I could with him. In that moment nothing mattered but him…

I don't know how to explain it, but he sucked me into his world and I gladly made the jump. I did it without looking back because Phil, despite having the reputation of being a loud mouth, smart-ass, jerk that he definitely is, also knows how to use his charm to his advantage.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that he played me for a fool since the very beginning, no; I know that in the few times he told me that he loved me he meant it and I can say without a doubt that some of the best moments of my life I spend them with him.

So… even though our ending will not be the most ideal, I will never regret the decisions that I made regarding him. I mean how can I regret it when I still love him with every cell of my body?

Besides it's not like he's a bad person that mistreated me all this time; far from it, his only fault is the one everyone pointed to me when we started going out; he doesn't commit for long and he falls out of love as quickly as he falls in.

I thought that he was going to change with me, but he didn't…

Now, I can't exactly say when he started to change, but one good day I realized that he didn't laugh with me like he used to and I started to suspect something was wrong. But he was tired with so much work at the time so I just assumed that he was burnt out and that things were good between us.

Then he started to go out on his own, we stopped traveling together all the time and I started riding with Natalya and Tyson more often. I, blinded with love justified it by saying to myself that since Nattie and I were working both Raw and Smackdown shows while Phil remained on Raw, that it was more convenient to ride with her instead of with my boyfriend; after all we always ended up meeting in Chicago and when having the same schedule, we still rode and roomed together.

I thought that traveling with other people could do us good, after all every couple needs their time apart and I didn't want to overwhelm him with my continuous presence.

I mean for almost a year we traveled, rode, ate, trained and lived together so it could be easy for him to get tired of me.

I didn't want that to happen and since Natalya was the only friend I could rely on, I didn't mind spending more time with her.

Unfortunately, that only made things worse and before I knew it, Phil and I were arguing over nothing all the time.

I didn't understand how that happened, but that's how it all went to hell. Then as previously as last week we ended up arguing one last time. It was about something stupid that I can't even remember right now but I sure as hell remember how it ended, I asked him the big question, was he seeing someone else?

He got mad at that and as he always did, he gave me the silent treatment and for the first time in months, I took a flight to New York while he went straight to Chicago.

We didn't talk on that time apart, the only thing I heard of him was that he went to Atlanta to make a guest appearance in one his ex-girlfriend's radio show and I'm not going to lie, I was jealous out of my mind.

I was already asking myself if the reason he was acting like that with me had to do with another woman and it didn't help that he went to her while he was mad at me.

But being more stubborn than anything else, I fought hard against the urge of calling him and waited until last night to talk things with him. After all it was Monday night Raw and if I could count on something, it was that I was going to see him there.

Now, imagine my surprise when the first thing I see when walking into catering is my boyfriend, sitting comfortably in one of the tables while talking to her, Amy Dumas aka Lita, the ex-girlfriend.

That's when I knew it was over, it was one of those moments when retaliation hits you so hard in the stomach that for a full minute you forget how to breathe. I mean he was just there, talking and laughing with her like he didn't do with me anymore.

I don't think he saw me turn in my heels and flee the room so I could seek refuge in a secluded corner of the arena and I'm glad he didn't. I didn't want anyone to see me and for the good part of half an hour I sat with my face in my hands while I cried my eyes out.

Yeah, I'll admit it… I cried there, mourning the loss of the love I loved the most.

After a while I gathered myself up, dried my tears and with my chin held up high I survived the rest of the night. I even ran into him once and managed not to break down again when he lowered his gaze and walked right pass me.

That was last night, the longest sleepless night of my life. It may sound pathetic, but after I took a taxi to the nearest hotel I just lay in bed, waiting for him to call and say that it was all good and that he wanted to work things out.

He never called and after crying a bit more I decided that I wasn't going to suffer for someone that didn't even had the guts to stand face to face with me to tell me that it was over. So, wanting to cut all ties with him, I unfollowed him on twitter, I deleted his phone number from my contact list even though I know it by memory and yup, I even deleted his pictures from my phone, even when I had them saved in my computer back home; after that I turned on my iPod to listen to the most depressing songs I could find to cry some more.

But like I said, that was last time and today is a new day, the Phoenix is born out of the ashes and I know I will get better. I have good friends that care about me, I'm in a good place career wise and I know I'll be better… one day.

Ah, but God… if I want to forget about him how come that I'm dying to call him, to hear his voice and look right into his eyes. How come I miss him so much while at the same time I want to go to him and tell him a thing or two?

And this is just the first day! What am I going to do when I see him again? I mean we work together and in three days we'll go to an overseas tour. That means traveling in the same bus, staying in the same hotel and probably seeing him all the time.

Taking in a deep breath and biting hard on my lips, I lift my phone and unable to spot myself, I dial his number.

For a few excruciating seconds I hold my breath and I feel like my heart is going to explode inside my chest.

What will I tell him? What if he is with _her_?

"Hello." He answers and swallowing down, I clear my throat.

"It's me…" I say stupidly, closing my eyes as I feel my eyes watering.

"I know." He breathes out, probably annoyed that I'm calling.

"Yeah, well I just wanted to ask when you were going to be in your apartment… I um, I want to pass by to pick up my things and I thought it would be better if I didn't run into you."

For the longest minute of my life, there only thing I can listen through the other side is silence and I have to take a look at my iPhone's screen to make sure the time is running and that he didn't hung up on me.

"I'll leave the key over the table, or if you want I can drop it at Colt's or something."

"Why do you want to take your things out?" He asks in a breath and even though I can't see him, I can picture him in my mind, eyes closed and his fingers running over his brows…

His fingers, closing my own eyes I remember the tattoo he got for me there, he came to me laughing that day saying that since I was a hopeless romantic, he honored my nature by inking his fingers with the word _romance_…

I loved it, but that was such a long time ago now…

Breathing in and clearing my throat once again, I rest my head against the pillow and press the phone closer to my ear.

"Why would I leave them there? They are my things and I need them." Sure, I can survive without them but I want them back.

"I'm going to be there until Thursday, drop by anytime you want."

"I'll wait," Thursday is the day we are leaving to Europe so my things would have to wait until I come back and Phil isn't there.

"Where are you now?"

"Do you care?"

"Beth," He groans. "Why are you always trying to pick up a fight with me? I asked you a simple question so just answer to me."

"I'm not trying to pick up a fight with you, Phil, I just…"

"So why do you call me saying you want to move out while I'm not there if not to pick up a fight? You know, I don't know what do you want from me anymore."

At those words I feel like laughing out loud, but instead I sniff as I'm invaded once again with a bad case of the tears.

I don't trust myself to talk like this so I don't say anything, I just breathe in and out while holding the phone to my ear.

For a while we remain like this, silent. But then he goes ahead and helps himself to ask the worse question ever.

"Are you crying?"

Shaking my head even though he can't see me, I draw in a shaky breath and wipe angrily at my eyes.

I hate it when I cry, especially when people know about it.

"Beth? Come on, talk to me." He asks almost tenderly and my need to cry grows even more.

I just don't get it; I don't know what I did wrong to push him away. "You know, I did all I could to make you happy, but it wasn't good enough, right?"

He breathes out, I can hear him doing it. "I was happy with you…"

"Then what happened? Okay, you don't have to answer to that." I chuckle. "I don't want to know it." Especially if his reason to end things with me have something to do with another woman. "Heart that can't see, heart that can feel."

"Where are you?"

Blinking my eyes open, I bit hard on my lips. "I have to go." I say, my voice low but controlled and then, before he can say anything else I hang up and turn off my phone.

I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to think about anything… I just want to stay in this bed until my heart stops to ache… or beat, the first thing that happens…

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I officially have no life for continuing this. There, I said it! Well, when I first wrote it I had in mind to make it a two-to-three chapter story. I wasn't sure because I really wanted the first chapter to stand on its own but at the end I gave in. It's my messed up mind and my muses… anyway, I didn't expect this to be so well liked and I have to thank you for the reviews. Hopefully you won't think I ruined it by adding this ;)

**ChApTeR 2**

Some people say that the human mind is the most powerful tool a person possesses. You know how it goes; if you want something pretty bad and you really, really put your mind into it, you'll eventually get it.

It's what we are taught since pre-school; setting your mind into it can make you conquer the world, right?

I used to believe in that; after all perseverance does pay off and I can attest to it. In fact, I can talk for hours about it and about all that doctrine of working hard, following your dreams, never giving up and blah, blah, blah.

Well… let me tell you a little something about that right now, something I came to learn the hard way in the last few days; when it comes to the matters of the heart, the mind is nothing but useless.

It's true; and I know this may sound sad and to a certain point pathetic, but the thing is that for all I tried, I just couldn't stop thinking about _him_.

Now don't you say I didn't try enough because I did; I put my mind hard into it, I disconnected from the outside world and for three consecutive days I forced myself into an extreme homemade treatment to detox my system of anything Phil related… it's just that… it didn't work.

I tried to use my mind as my biggest ally and most powerful weapon, but for every time I tried to convince my mind that I don't need him, I would wonder what he was doing; for every time I repeated to myself that I wouldn't miss him, I would glance at my phone to see if he called; and for every single moment I said out loud that I was better off without him, my eyes would tear up with the memory of his rare laugh and the way his secret touches would keep me high and alert during our nights together.

I told you it was sad, didn't I?

But what can I say? That's what he reduced me into. I'm just a shadow of my former self and seriously, who would believe that the Glamazon, the one that talks about being pinup strong, spent the last three days of her life in bed, lamenting and weeping over a broken heart.

Maybe I feel like this because it's too soon, I mean in three days I can't forget about someone that meant so much to me, right?

I just need to give myself some time and I'm sure that eventually, I won't live my days drowning in the memory of him.

So I don't know, maybe what I need to do is suck it up, hold my head up high and stop being such a whiner. Yes, that we are no more hurts in places no one can reach to heal me and most of the time I feel like his absence is overwhelming, but I just can't let this defeat me.

With that in mind and after my little retreat, I decided to get out of bed and face the world. The first person I called was Nattie. I had three missed calls from her and a few text messages I didn't care to check out.

I thought that talking to her was going to do me good, after all she is my friend and who better to help me crawl out of the hole I dug for myself than a true friend.

But, little did I know that talking to her was only going to make things worse. That was yesterday, the day before I took a plane headed to Europe for the WWE overseas tour.

Anyway, when I called her, the first thing she asked was what happened. I tried to play dumb because I didn't feel like talking about what happened, what I wanted was to talk about anything but that. But being the insistent person that she is she went ahead and asked how come she had to find out through the internet that her best friend and her boyfriend broke up.

You see, apparently, the twitter world took notice that I unfollowed Phil _and_ Amy so the dirt sheets were reporting our demise… and the involvement of Amy in it. That right there took me by surprise, first because I didn't know people cared enough about something as trivial as my love life and second, because who the hells keeps track of who I follow or don't?

But that wasn't all, that was just the beginning of all. It's like this, before I could respond to that, Nattie told me that she talked to Phil and asked him about us and he said that he thought that I broke up with him…

Now let me repeat that, he _thought_ that I ended things between us.

That right there hit me like a blow to the stomach and having no response and muttering something about packing for the Europe tour, I hung up on her so my brain could turn and swirl and process what she told me.

I'm still processing it, and today when I saw him at the hotel and he briefly glanced my way with those deep olive green eyes that I love with everything I have, I was still processing it.

Part of me started to think that I acted out of an impulse and that instead of telling him that I wanted to get my things out of his apartment, I should have told him that I wanted to talk things with him instead.

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and by doing that I ruined everything. For hours that was all I could think off.

But then I got to the hotel and saw him walk as if he didn't even see me and another part of me knew that we were done before I made that call and that if he would have wanted to stay with me, he would have called to fix things.

He didn't; he didn't call, he didn't text me, he didn't send me an email or even a smoke signal. No, he didn't even talk to me earlier when he saw me at the hotel so that talks volumes about how much he cares.

What he did was take my call as the way out he has been looking for to be free.

That stung, I won't even try to deny it and one of the questions I asked in my mind over and over again while I lay in bed with no desire to feel was answered; no, he didn't miss me even half the way that I missed him.

I would have cried right there in the middle of the lobby, but by then I didn't have any more tears to give and instead of sorrow, what I felt was a big wave of desolation hitting me full force.

I was running on empty, I was tired of feeling so emotionally drained and taking in a deep breath I just got the key to my room and dragged myself to the elevator, thinking.

I don't even know how to explain the things that ran through my mind as soon as I lay my eyes on him; I just can say that seeing him so close made me realize that I didn't know what to do with my lips whenever they wanted to kiss him, or what would I do with my hands if they suddenly felt like begging him to come back to me. Worse of all, I didn't know what I would do with my nights… those awful nights when his essence seemed adamant of holding on to mine.

One thing was thinking about him while having him far, but now he's here… somewhere in this arena and that's an entirely different thing.

Biting hard on my lips, I grab a bottle of water from the catering table and open it, drinking the precious liquid from it as I put my legs into motion so they can carry back to the Divas' locker room.

Now, in this tour the only one I have to share this room with is Eve and since I saw her sitting near catering talking with some of the guys, I know I'll be on my own for now.

I like it this way, I don't feel like talking to anyone and besides, I need to clear my mind before stepping into the ring. It's true that the show is yet to start but with the way things are going for me, I have a lot of work to do with my mind.

Musing about that and taking another sip of water, I spot the door to the room I want to get into and when I reach it and open it, I see that there's someone already in.

It's Phil; he's sitting with his hands folded to his chest and his head thrown back against the wall opposite to the chair he's on.

For a few seconds I just look at him and I'm scared that my mind played an awful trick on me and that instead of opening the door to the Divas' locker room, I opened his.

Only that I didn't, I can see my bags and Eve's neatly placed inside the room and that's when I get it, he's the one who came here… to see me…

Feeling my mouth getting dry even though I just took a mouthful of water, I blink a couple of times, watching him.

"I thought you were going to get your things before coming here," He says, tilting his head up and looking straight into my eyes.

He went straight to the point with those words and I feel my jaw tensing. So much of me thinking that I rushed things by wanting to move out of his place.

"I was busy," I lie, but I wasn't going to his place if he was there… no way. I could have ended up begging him to give us another chance. "But if they bother you so much I'll get them first thing when I get back." I reply, and I must say that I'm proud that my voice didn't falter.

Phil shrugs, as if he really didn't care. "They don't bother me, but since you seem to be in such a hurry to move out I thought I should be nice enough to remind you."

Pushing the inside of my cheek with my tongue, I walk into the room and let the door close on its own. For a moment I don't know what to do so I grab the handle of my rolling suitcase and bring it closer. "Well thank you, I'll make sure not to forget about them."

After I say that, he just stares at me and swallowing on dry, I force myself to maintain my eyes on him. I don't want to let him know how weak I am for him… my pride is too strong to let that happen.

"So this is it, you are just going to walk out like this?"

Chuckling in disbelief, I run one of my hands through my hair and I shake my head. "Phil; I'm not walking out on anything. I'm just making your life a whole of a lot easier by giving you what you wanted but where afraid to ask, you wanted to push me away? Well, I'm out."

Licking his lips and shifting where he sat, Phil snorts bitterly and then he blinks. "Yeah, Beth… this is exactly what I wanted, for you to give me a call and out of nowhere tell me that you were moving out, thanks. Oh, and in case you didn't notice I was being sarcastic." He says, a bit too loud for my taste.

"No, don't try to turn the roles now and play victim here; for months you've been giving me the cold shoulder and you knew this was eventually going to happen. I know you Phil Brooks, and you knew that I wasn't going to sit around watching you drift away."

He doesn't give me a response to that and that's all the answer I need. That's when I now that he cowardly pushed him away so he wouldn't have to be the bad one that gave me the boot.

"See?" I say through clenched teeth and as I say it I realize that I'm mad at him.

I'm mad that he threw our relationship down the toilet without looking back. Yes, maybe I was the one who gave the first step to move on but if I did that was because he pushed me there.

"You know I care about you." He says, as if that was enough.

"No you don't, if you cared you would have come face to face with me to tell me that it was over. Because Phil, you knew it was over a long time ago and it was that way because you wanted it to be that way."

As soon as I finish saying that I realize that I'm also speaking a bit too loud. Maybe people can hear us outside so I take in a deep breath and close my eyes.

I don't want to end this in a fight. I don't want to taint what he had with a stupid argument that would lead us nowhere.

"Maybe I would have told you if it wasn't because you turn every single conversation into a fucking fight."

Snorting, I bit on my lips and blink the itching that's taking over my eyes. "Well…" I say almost in a whisper. "You said it right there… now don't go saying this was a decision I made because you know it wasn't."

Getting up to his feet, Phil's eyes turn a shade darker and he starts to make his way to the door. "You know, fuck this."

At his words I feel mad… I just can't help it and not thinking before speaking, I yell after him. "Yeah, walk away Phil, maybe you should take the next flight to Atlanta so you can be with your _good friend_ Amy. Maybe she can comprehend you better than I did."

Turning around and looking down on me, Phil shakes his head and chuckles. "So this is all about that, uh? I just knew it. Well, let me tell you this, there's nothing between Amy and me… not that you would believe it anyway."

"Oh come on…"

"No, no… I mean I have a reputation to live in right? So let's just assume that I just fucked her while doing her stupid radio show!"

"Just go away, Phil, I don't want to listen to you." I say and I even put my hands on his chest to push him away.

Now, it's not like I shoved him so he doesn't even move and taking my hands away from him I try to turn on him. If he doesn't leave, then I will.

I don't think I can survive this with my emotions intact and I don't want to crumble down in front of him. I mean I can already feel my eyes watering and crying is the last thing I want to do while he watches me.

"No, you want me to talk about this so let's talk. You want to know what your problem is?" He asks in a hiss, grabbing me by the arm and fixing the intensity of his eyes in mine. "You are so set up into believing that I was going to screw up the first thing with a skirt that at the end that's the only thing you could think of. Every single thing I did had a double meaning to you and…"

"That's not true," I interrupt him and I can feel a couple of angry tears sliding down my cheeks. "I walked into this trusting you more than I trusted anyone and if I started to doubt was because you started to push me away. Or what? For how long did you want me to warm up your bed while you were out 'working out'? and for how long did you wanted me to believe all the excuses you threw my way every time I tried to touch you? I'm not stupid Phil, and that I love you doesn't mean that I have to settle for less."

Once that's out of my chest, I wipe at my eyes. I know it's useless, there's no way he hadn't notice that my eyes are leaking.

"I never cheated on you; not that you would believe me anyway. I mean why trust me, right? It was easier to walk out like you did."

"And what did you expect? I couldn't keep waiting for you to notice me… even if there was no other woman, if you cared like you said you did you would have notice that you were hurting me with your indifference and that even though you say I turned everything into a fight, I always ended up doing whatever you wanted me to do.

Biting on my lips and lifting a hand to his face, I place my hand over his cheek and then it slowly slides down to his chest. Maybe this is the last time I will have him this close so I'm letting myself indulge in this little act.

"I would have done anything for you, Phil… you know that-" I still would… he always had that over me and I guess that part of me will always succumb to anything he wants; it was like that even when we were just friends and it would probably be like that even if we go on to be nothing at all. "But I couldn't sit and see you being with me if you didn't love me anymore."

Phil blows out a breath and I close my eyes. He is not saying that he still loves me and even though I wasn't expecting him to do so, I still feel my heart withering and dying inside my chest.

"Believe it or not I do care about you and I didn't want things to end like this." He mumbles, his fingertips tracing the wet path my tears left in my cheeks.

His touch is so soft… differing greatly from the roughness of his usual attitude.

"I didn't want that either." But they did. It's okay, someday I'll learn to live without him… maybe.

Lowering his head and getting so close that I can feel his breath caressing my lips, Phil slides his hand to the back of my head and he lets it run it down my hair as he speaks. "I always thought you deserved better than me. Maybe you'll get it now."

With that said, he kisses the corner of my lips and before I would even think of turning my head to kiss him full in the mouth, he pulls away and turns around to leave.

I watch him as in a trance, thinking that there could be lots better than him in essence, but the one my heart and body wants it's him…


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: At the end of the chapter ;)

**ChApTeR 3**

Someone once said that the only way to escape the abyss is to look at it, gauge it, sound it out and descend into it.

Now I don't know who said that or where I heard such a thing, but as I sit behind the wheel of my rental car, I can't help but to muse about how this statement hits the nail right in the head when it comes to me.

You see, for a while I really went deep into the abyss, and while I dwelled there, lost and confused, I found myself face to face with the worse of me.

It's kind of funny if you come to think about it, but it was kind of a case of good ol' me vs. Dark Phoenix and for a while she won over me. I was at my worse and she took the opportunity to spit on me and kick me while I was in ground unable to stand up.

I let her do it… well actually, I let myself do it. I let myself get sucked into a turbulent sea of sorrow and self-pity and I almost drowned.

But that is no more.

Like I said before, the Phoenix rises from ashes and I will rise. I just can't let myself get sucked into a hole forever; I got tired of it. I got tired of being bummed out over things that dwelled in the past and I decided I was not going to remain on the ground, I wanted to stand up and stand up I did.

The tour to Europe helped me a lot. Sure, it was hard because _he_ was there as a constant reminder of our demise but the change in scenery did me good. I spent a lot of time thinking and that was enough to put my feet back on the ground.

Nattie helped a lot too, she wasn't traveling with me all the time since she was with the Smackdown tour but she came to the Raw tapings in Liverpool and talking to her helped me to emerge from the chasm I was in.

It was in Europe that I realized that not being with Phil was not going to be the end of the world; far from it. Besides, if I got over a divorce and then a several months relationship with Cody, then I sure as hell could get over him.

So, do I still love him? Of course I do, I can't erase my feelings in such short notice. But will I let all this put me down forever? Hell no!

Who knows? Maybe one day we can go back to being friends again. Yes, one day I'll look back at this and remember only our good times… which are many; but for now I will have to face him almost on daily basis, put on my best smile and pretend I'm as good as I will get.

It can't be so difficult; after all I am doing better and I do want things to go back to normal… or as close to normal as they can get.

Blinking my eyes a couple of times, I get out of my trance and furrow my brows. It's been two weeks since Phil and I had that talk in the Divas locker room in Europe and right now I'm driving to the arena with Natalya as my co-pilot.

Somehow, while I was deep into my thoughts, Nattie changed the radio station and when I put attention to what she's listening and singing out loud, I have to roll my eyes.

"_Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead…"_

"I hate that song." I say and not caring that she was listening to it, I reach forward and start pressing buttons until something more to my liking starts to sound. AC/DC, old but still good.

"Hey, I was listening to that." Natalya complains.

"I'm driving so I make the music decisions, okay?"

"Yeah, well it wouldn't hurt you to let me listen to that song. My ears were starting to bleed with that crap you like to hear and Adele's voice was making it all better. She is just lovely, you are just an emo."

Leering at her, I purse my lips but the discussion ends here. No Adele for me, that song is depressing to me in so many ways that I don't even want to hear it.

"Talking about you turning into an emo, have you talked to Phil?"

Ugh, here she goes again.

Now let me tell you this; Natalya is my best friend and I love her… but sometimes she is just too much. Yeah she helped me get out of the hole I dug for myself after breaking up with Phil, but sometimes I think she wants to drop me back on it.

There is not a day that she doesn't mention Phil in one way or another; if it's not to let me know that she talked to him about something, it's to ask me if I went to his place to pick up my stuff or just to 'suggest' that I should talk things with him.

"No, I haven't talked with him." I say through clenched teeth.

"Well you should."

"No, I don't think so."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see how she shifts in her seat to take a better look at me. I notice this, but I just focus my eyes on the road ahead of me and try my best to act as if I don't mind all the mentions of my ex.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Why ask? You know you will tell me anyway, don't you?." And she will, of that I'm sure.

"I think you and Phil need to talk this out; I mean you were together for a year so ending things out of the blue without even trying to work it out doesn't even make sense to me."

"It doesn't have to make sense, we were together, it didn't work out and that's it."

She snorts, "Do you still love him?"

Turning my head to her, I chuckle. "You know I do."

"Then why are you driving with me instead of being with him?"

I roll my eyes, I don't really want to talk about this now… while it's so raw and I'm just pulling myself together. My knowing Nattie like I know her, I'm sure she won't leave me alone until she's satisfied with all my answers.

"Because you told me that you wanted to ride with me? Look, you are making this sound like it was my decision to end things, they weren't. If I…"

"You were the one who broke things off so the way I see it, it was your decision." She says, cutting me off.

Shaking my head and griping hard at the steering wheel, I bit the inside of my cheek and take a deep breath. "You are making it sound like I'm the bad guy that broke his poor hart into a million pieces. Nat, you know he was looking for a way out; he pushed me away until I had no choice. If I accepted less, I was always going to get less and I wasn't going to settle."

It was like this; if I didn't break things with him, he was going to do it, eventually.

"You know, I've been dating Tyson for ten years now so I know what I'm talking about here. When it comes to relationships, it's not going to be peaches and cream all the time. Couples have their ups and down and yeah, sometimes they get tired of each other easily. You know Tyson gets on my nerves from time to time and I'm sure he says the same about me."

She says and I listen.

"But you know what? We've learned to deal with each other; if I find him particularly irritable one day I go ahead and ride with you and or with another one of the girls, but at the end of the day I know I can go to him and tell him to settle his tea kettle and he does the same with me. We talk things out, that's what couples do. We don't turn our backs on each other and walk away at the first sign of trouble."

"It's not the same." And it really isn't. I tried to give Phil space and I tried to talks things out. But at the end we would always end up arguing and it was crystal clear that there was nothing to fix.

If we remained together, things would get bitter and nasty and I didn't want that.

"Phil is right, you _are_ thick headed."

"You know, I will appreciate if you stopped talking about me with him. Please and thank you." Ah, and I know she does that because she tells me about it.

At first I used to hang on every word she said, trying to read between lines to see if there was a way that he wanted to get back with me.

But nothing that she would report helped; Phil thought I was thick-headed, he said I was the one that broke things off and no, he didn't mind if I helped myself into his apartment while he was not there so I could get my things out.

"Why? One of you have to see the light and give in first. You know he cares about you…"

"Yeah, but caring about someone is not enough to carry a relationship." With that said I parked the car, we are finally at the arena and I'm glad. I want out of this conversation.

Climbing out of the car and walking to the trunk, I grab my rolling suitcase and start to make my way into the stadium. Once in, Natalya tells me that she was going to look for her boyfriend and then she walks away.

I watch her, her figure disappearing in a corner while my mind swirls about what she told me…

Now, I know she means good and to a certain point she is right, but she is also wrong if she thinks Phil is remotely interested in being with me. I told her so once, telling her that if Phil wanted to be with me, he would have called to fix things. He never called.

Her response was the following; 'you never called him either.'

For a while those words put my mind into motion and later in the night, I had to fight hard against the urge of calling him. We didn't even had to talk about us, I just wanted to hear him even if it was him talking about the weather in Chicago, Colt's newest occurrences or what he had to eat in his infamous cheat meals.

Of course, I didn't call him… and maybe both Nat and Phil were right, I am too thick headed for my own good.

Taking in a deep breath, I reach for my phone to text my brother. After tonight we are going to get in a break for Thanksgiving and since my birthday is that same day, he told me about us doing something.

With that in mind and smiling at the thought of spending time with him, I start to make my way to the locker room. With one hand I drag my suitcase and with the other one I unlock my iPhone and search though my contacts to text Eric.

"Hey."

As soon as I hear that voice I freeze in my tracks and look up from my phone to him. What was that that I planned on doing whenever I came face to face with him? Oh yeah… I was going to smile and pretend everything was fine.

"Hey," I reply and as soon as the words are out, I realize that they came out too cheerful… and too fake.

But what can I say? I've seen him plenty of times since our break up and I'm sure I'm going to see him even more than I already have. But one, this is the first time he addresses me and two, we are having this encounter in the middle of a deserted hallway.

Without blinking, I notice that there's a slight smirk adorning his face as he looks at me with those piercing eyes of his. "You were all spaced out."

Oh God, why does he have to look at me like that? "I was… just texting someone." I say, trying to force out a smile.

"I saw…"

He says and I can't stop staring at him. I know I need to keep moving but I can't. I'm glued to the floor and besides, running away from him would be the worst thing I could ever do; so I blink my stupidity away and look back to my phone, feeling the weight of his gaze on me.

"It's Eric… we'll probably meet Thursday." And why am I giving him explanations? He doesn't need to know who I text or who will I meet.

For a few seconds there's complete silence and when my eyes get tired of staring all around, I venture to look up to him once more. His lips, those lips that kissed me with such passion once, are now quirked as he looks at me. "So how you've been doing?" He asks breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Shrugging, I smile softly. "I'm doing great." Yeah… fantastic, marvelous… "How about you?"

This time he is the one who shrugs, he doesn't answer though and it doesn't seems like he is planning to; instead he just raises his hand up to my head and runs it along my hair. "I like your hair like that."

My heart stops for a second and I think it showed in my face because he dropped the hand away and to his side.

I recover as soon as I'm able to and run my own hand through my hair. "I need to cut it." Once I say that, I make a mental note to wear it like this more often. It's not much, I just flat ironed it before getting here.

He smiles what I believe it the saddest smile I had ever seen in that face. I don't like it. "Well, I'm going to catering. Guess I'll see you around."

I nod but neither of us moves.

I should say something, I want to say something… but I don't know what. "Ok,"

He takes that as a cue and moves away and toward catering. I watch him leave and when he is out of sight I sigh.

I should be proud of myself; I survived the first talk with him without making a fool out of myself. But if it came out so well why do I feel my heart so heavy in my chest?

Phil, Phil, Phil… what happened to us?

TBC

Okay, I started this story after the rumors of Punk and Beth breaking up started to come out. All I know is that she un-followed him on twitter and that he appeared on Amy's radio show a few days before. I don't know anything and more than that and this story is all speculation, a work of fiction.

Now, someone pointed out that Beth was kind of clingy in this story and that's right, like I said, I don't know what went on between them but I'm playing it here like she overreacted. I mean she was the one who unfollowed Punk while he stills follows her; he even helped RT'ing something about her brother's band and that put my mind running (shipper me, ugh). So yeah, she's a bit over the top and dramatic, I know, I meant it that way ;)

Anyway, I'm glad someone noticed Phil in this story. I know the narrative is centered on Beth but he's there (hear him out, lol)

Thanks for all the amazing reviews, you are all great and I love that you take the time to tell me what you think about this little nothing I made up. Keep them coming!

P.S. I worked on this at 5am so bear with me!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** This is going to be the last chapter, one more that what I thought it would be. But since I'm planning to take a long hiatus (if not forever) from writing fan fiction, I decided to end a few stories and this one was the first to go.

Now, this ending is not what I had planned, I wanted to end this more realistically (we don't always get a happy ending in real life, right?) but since Punk/Beth are one of my favorite couples, I decided to do it this way. I wrote it in a rush and didn't re-read knowing I wouldn't like it and change it so please, bear with me. With that said, thanks for the amazing reviews and take care.

**UnTiL NeVeR**

'That awkward moment when u realize that she (sighs) aint the one'

Pursing my lips and nodding my head absentmindedly, I read for the third time the message delivered straight to my phone and study it carefully; my eyes drinking on every word as if I would unveil some secret meaning hidden among them if I stare at the screen for a whole minute without blinking.

Not that there's much to discover, I mean the message is not cryptic; far from it, it's crystal clear to everyone who has eyes to see.

I got it on my first try… in fact, I felt it like a blow to the gut and I'm still having encountered feelings about it. It stings, it makes me sad but at the same time it shows me that I made the right choice by walking away.

Now let me explain myself a little better, my brother's girlfriend sent me that message just a few minutes ago, she texted me saying that Phil probably wrote something in his twitter directed at me and after a lot of consideration, I asked her what it was.

Now, I don't check what he has to say over there since I un-followed him and because from the moment our relationship ended, I cut all ties with him. I don't call him, I don't read his tweets and on the only two occasions we ended up talking, it wasn't because I searched him out.

So no, I don't know what he tweets or where he is and if it wasn't because we work in the same place and because Natalya is set up on updating me about him from time to time, I wouldn't know anything about him anymore.

So when I got the text saying that he wrote something aimed at me, I was curious.

I didn't know what to expect, I mean Phil lacks that filter that connects his brain to his mouth and more often than not he talks whatever is on his mind without thinking about the repercussions. He also knows how to cut with words and he is not afraid of doing it; his pipebomb is lethal in more ways than one and well, I thought he used it on me.

So yes, I admit that I was expecting to see something with my name on it, something that he knew would make its way back to me and hurt me in some possible way. But it wasn't that, what he tweeted weren't even his words but somehow, someway, it was the worst thing he could have said.

I know I wasn't 'his one', he made me know that without words and that's why I walked out. He let me know by retreating into himself and leaving me out. But I don't know, he could at least keep that thought to himself instead of sharing it with the world.

Ah, but I won't let that affect me, not now that I think I'm pulling out of this one with my heart still beating.

You see, today I'm in the middle of a very important affair. It's the final step of this moving on thing that is not letting me sleep and that's getting my stuff from his place.

I'm already here, I walked in like a thief in the middle of the night and hopefully, I'll be done before he comes back.

I know he's here in Chicago; and since I saw his car down the street and his bike is here by the door, I can only assume that he is somewhere around. He could even be at the roof, he likes to go up there every once in a while and just sit and relax.

So with that in mind, I put my phone over the table and take a look at the place that was my home for the last several months.

I feel a weird sense of nostalgia by being here and knowing I won't be coming back. I mean my dog Sonya died in by that counter, this is where I spent the best Christmas of my adult life and for many endless nights this is where I got to know that Phil that didn't mind to lay in bed with me even though he claimed he wouldn't be able to get some sleep.

I was happy here… once.

Shaking my head to collect myself, I take a deep breath and walk into the bathroom. I know I have a few personal things here so without caring to take a look at his things, I grab for mine and throw them carelessly into the rolling suitcase I brought with me.

I do it as fast as I can, I came here decided to take everything I could with me and the rest he can throw out or I don't know, sell them or something.

Like my bike, it would be hard to take that one with me and since he was the one who bought it I don't think it would be nice for me to take it to Buffalo with me.

Besides, I don't think I could ever ride a bike in my life without thinking about him so yup, the bike stays.

Anyway, once I'm done with the living room and the bathroom, there's only one place to go; the bedroom. That's where most of my things are so wanting to be done with this once and for all, that's where I head next.

I try to walk in full of apathy; of course, as soon as I step in and take a look around I know I failed and I feel my heart growing heavy and I realize that I don't want to do this.

I don't want to move out or live my life trying to forget how it felt to be with him; no, what I want is to climb into his bed and close my eyes only to wake up by him telling me it was all a bad dream and that we are good.

It's pathetic, I know but that's just what I want. Only if it was what he wanted…

Biting hard on my lips, I allow my legs to carry me straight towards his bed and once I'm standing by it I sit on the edge, looking around.

There's nothing that talks more about one person that his bedroom and this one is all him even though there are a few details that give away the fact that he shared the room with me. My perfume sitting on his dresser, the scented candles I placed all around and my shoes and clothes in his closet.

But even though, his things are the ones that prevail. Sitting here, I can see a few comics books lying over the night stand and that immediately tells me he spent the night reading, his bags are thrown by the door, his socks are in the middle of the floor and a few of his drawers are open with his clothes spilling out.

Unable to help it, I smile and shake my head. He has always been messy like this and by the looks of things, he hasn't changed. Even the bed is unmade and I wonder how long would it take for some other woman to be here fixing things after him.

That last thought makes the smile disappear and before I realize it, I'm grabbing one of his pillows and hugging it to my chest.

"Smells like you, doesn't it?"

Startled, I open my eyes wide and turn my face to the door to see Phil there. He is standing underneath the doorframe, his arms folded to his chest and his right shoulder resting to the door. He is looking straight at me and I wonder for how long he has been there.

"Then you need to do some laundry…" I mean I haven't been here for weeks so if this smells like me, it's time for him to put this in the washing machine.

"I did, but I ran out of shampoo and I'm using yours so the damn thing smells like you."

Pushing the inside of my cheek with my tongue, I nod. But I don't get up from the bed, I just turn my head away from him and lower my gaze.

Even when I'm not looking at him, I can feel the intensity of his olive green eyes burning my skin and I momentarily think of Natalya and the time we were in Boston and she 'casually' told me that if I really loved Phil, then I should have fought for him instead of taking the easy way out.

My response at the moment was that walking away wasn't the easy way out for me and it's really not. It was a hard decision and to this day it still hurts me that we fell apart like this.

Maybe I wasn't the one for him but since day one I knew he was the one for me. Yes it's true that we are two opposite poles but that worked for me just fine.

Amidst my thoughts, I feel the mattress sinking and I tense my jaw. I can feel that he is sitting behind me and for a second I expect to feel his hands crawling to my shoulders and his lips connecting to that sensitive spot below my ear that he liked to treat when he wanted me to do something.

That doesn't happen of course, and when I tilt my head to the side I notice that he's just sitting at the foot of the bed, his back to me and his feet flat on the mattress.

Clearing my throat, I get up from the bed and automatically put his clothes inside the drawers and close them. After that I grab his socks, throw them inside his hamper and then proceed to grab my things to put them inside my suitcase.

"Why are you doing this?"

Without looking, I shrug. "Your room is a mess, it looks like a hurricane came through." I say pointing at the pile of clothes laying right by his hamper. "And your kitchen too, I saw your sneakers inside the sink."

That last part I say with a smile and a roll of my eyes while turning to him; I just don't want this moment to be awkward and who knows, if we were once friends, who say we can't be friends again?

I mean what we had was beautiful while it lasted and I don't want us to end up resenting one another. Besides, he's friends with most of his ex-girlfriends and since I'm the one he has to see almost every day, I wouldn't want to be the exception.

True, right now my feelings are too raw to do so but maybe a year from now or perhaps sooner, we will even be able to socialize; not like before of course, but something is better than nothing at all.

Arching an eyebrow and quirking his lips, Phil looks at me somberly and I blink. "I'm not talking about that and you know it."

Clearing my throat again, I turn around and shrug. I don't know why he is asking, he knows this already.

"See, there you are doing it again. If something doesn't go your way you just turn your back on it and walk away. Very mature on you, Beth."

Taking in a deep breath, I run my hand through my hair and turn back to him so I can face him. He is now facing my way so I lock my eyes with his and lick my lips. "I don't want to argue about this, Phil."

He snorts, lifting a hand to his face and running a finger down the ridge of his nose. "Of course not; I mean why confront it when you can just turn your back to everything and pretend nothing ever happened?"

"You know, I don't get why you act like this. This is what you wanted, you didn't want…"

"This is not what I wanted!" He yells, getting up to his feet.

I watch as he gets closer to me and for some reason I don't really get, I retreat all the way back until a wall stops my progress.

He looks mad and even though I don't think he will ever physically harm me, I don't like the way he is looking at me.

"So what now, are you going to imply that this was my call? You know it wasn't like that; _you_ were the one who acted like I was nothing but a nuisance to you and you can't expect me to hang on your moods forever. I gave a hundred percent into this relationship while you gave me nothing but scraps in return to me keep me content."

"Oh so that's the only thing I gave you? Scraps?" He hisses, lowering his voice but his blazing eyes carrying the loud volume of his mood.

"At the end yes," I say defiantly, holding my head up high as he takes another step that takes him closer to me.

"So that's all it took then, a few bad weeks for you to run away?"

"I didn't run from this, you pushed me away Phil! Or are you going to deny that you did everything in the book for me to take this decision? The only thing that was left for you was to throw my things out the window and change the lock."

"Oh you're so fucking dramatic, always blowing things out of proportion!" He says out loud while shaking his head. "But okay, I'm going to take the first step here and admit that for a few weeks I wasn't the most ideal boyfriend. Yeah, I'll even go as far as to say that I wasn't in the best of moods and that I got crabby easily; but I never, not even once hinted that I wanted to end things with you. That was your decision so don't come here trying to make it look otherwise."

"Oh my bad then, I must have imagined it all. Me and my dramatic ways always get the best of me and the fact that you ignored me, evaded me and ran to your ex didn't necessarily mean you wanted to break up with me. I'm sorry Phil… I'm sorry that I read the signs wrong!" By now I'm yelling too and I feel my face getting flushed with anger.

Here go my hopes of ending things on a good note with him.

Closing my eyes and resting my head against the wall behind me, I inhale deeply and bring my hands up to hide my face. I don't want things to get nasty with us so I do what I think is best, I take one of Nattie's advises and apply it.

There's no pride that matters in love.

"I'm sorry… I didn't want to yell at you." I say in a low breath and as soon as my words are out, he takes my hands off my face to grab them with his much larger ones.

I can feel him close to me, but since my eyes are still closed, I don't really know how close he is. A lot I would say…

"Sorry I yelled at you too." He whispers and then he rest his forehead against mine. "But God, it's just that you get me so frustrated that I get mad. I swear sometimes I just want to shake you very hard and put some sense into that thick skull of yours."

Wrinkling my nose, I breathe in and tilt my head up. I know that if I move an inch forward, I could end up kissing him.

I want to do it, but I don't. I just stay here, breathing from his scent while I clutch my hands into fist not to touch him.

While we are like this, I go back to the things we said to each other and swirl the words in my mind, trying to make sense out of them. "Why did you act like that if you didn't want us to break up?"

Phil shrugs; I can feel him doing it. "You know how I am. I'm not people friendly and sometimes I just feel like shutting everyone out. I get crabby, I don't want to be bothered and yeah, a lot of times I'm not even aware I'm doing it."

"But I wasn't some random stranger asking for an autograph, Phil, I was your girlfriend and you can't expect me to sit back while you little by little push me out."

"Maybe, but what you did wasn't the best either. You didn't even try to talk things out, you just walked out."

"I didn't see a reason to stay; I'm not going to be somewhere where I'm not wanted." God no, "I just made it easier for you."

Letting go of my hands, his fingers move to my face and I open my eyes to meet the olive green colored orbs that are staring back to me.

For a moment I'm very tempted to move forward and kiss him and beg him to give us another chance; but I don't, there are so many things we would have to work out before even considering getting back together.

"I don't see how you made it easier. Look, I'm not always going to be on a good mood and things between us are not always going to be sunny, it's just the way a relationship work so walking out was not the answer."

Blinking, I swallow down. "I didn't know what else to do. I saw you with Amy backstage and you looked so happy that it hurt. You were not happy with me anymore and it just hit me that the best I could do was letting you go wherever you wanted… with anyone you wanted."

"That's your problem right there, you never trusted me. I did her radio show because she asked me to weeks before, she thought it would help her ratings go up and I did it to help her out, nothing more than that. Yes, she made it to Raw the next day but trust me, she didn't come to see me, she had more interest in the Muppets being there that in seeing me being all crabby because my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her."

I say nothing to that but maybe he is right, I overreacted. But it was all cause and effect, he shouldn't have given me the cold shoulder for weeks and I shouldn't have taken for granted that we were over.

But we did; now what's done is done and there's nothing we can do to change it. All I know is that we can't stand here playing the blaming game forever.

"I really hated the way things ended." I say, allowing my hands to settle on his waist. The feeling of his skin through his shirt is a very familiar one and I just breathe into the moment.

"Me too, but I always knew you were going to be the one ending things. You always expected more from me and maybe I fell short."

"I didn't expect anything but your love,"

Snorting, Phil drops his hands from my face and takes a step back. "I don't want to get corny and ridiculous here, you know I hate that; but you always had… that."

"Your love?" I ask, not daring to hope but unable to stop myself from asking.

I mean yeah I know he cares about me and all that, and I'm sure that he still loves me… in a way. But being in love with me? I don't think he still feels that way.

Or does he?

"Yeah, you know that," he says rolling his eyes and folding his arms to his chest. "How about you?"

Blinking slowly, I bit hard on my lips and breathe in. "I love you, it was never a matter of that."

"Then why are you moving out?" He says through clenched teeth before he grabs my face once again to kiss me right on the lips.

It's not a forceful kiss, just a tender meeting of lips that is over before I can take full joy of it.

"Stay, I want you to stay."

Bringing my hands to the back of his neck, I bring him closer and smile. This is what I wanted since he started to act distant with me; but… after kissing him briefly on the lips, I draw back and look his straight in the eye.

"Just if you don't ever try to push me away again."

"Just if you promise not to take the easy way out and leave me hanging like this again." He mumbles against my lips.

"Then yes, I'll stay."

**FIN**


End file.
